It's me, hey
It's me, hey
Deaf Girly is back. Same girl. New thoughts.
Did you know, it’s three years since I last updated my blog at deafinitelygirly.com. For those who are new to my writing, I first started my blog in 2008, I was single and living in London. It became a diary, documenting my life.
During that time, I changed jobs several times. I quit my job twice - both times to write. I fell in love (just once). I bought and sold a flat. I got married to FJM. Became a mum to FFB. And I left London.
Rendering my tagline - deaf in the city and having fun - incorrect.
But here’s what’s still right about me:
Deaf motherhood wasn’t at all like I imagined it would be
Back when I was pregnant, I thought I’d be blogging about motherhood, and all the ways my deafness affected it, lots. But of course that didn’t happen. Mainly because in the first six months there was loads going on and no time to write about it.
And then the pandemic happened and I felt that what I was experiencing just wasn’t something I wanted to put out there when other people were going through such terrible experiences. I just wanted to be quiet focus on on my job and my family.
But wow, some things were super hard to get my head around as a deaf mum - not being able to hear my son cry without my hearing aids in. Not following classes easily when I took him to them. But I made the most amazing mum friends. And now four years on, I have a son who is definitely a CODA.
He always makes sure he’s looking at me when he’s talking. He knows we can’t have chats in the car but he sometimes sings loudly to keep me company. His voice is pitched very low and he’s great at finding an alternative way to say something if I don’t hear him the first time.
And he tells me what’s going on if what we’re watching doesn’t have subtitles. Although I try not to make him do that very often as he’s only 4.
Bad or lack of subtitles make me very angry
Now I have a son and want to watch things with him, I still get mad about bad subtitles or no subtitles.
Somewhere in the depths of my Twitter is a tweet about Ski Sunday subtitles being really bad. The kind of bad where they’re no use to the deaf person in the room and some sort of torture for the non deaf people.
Back then, I complained about it so much that I got invited to watch how subtitling is done. Although none of them could tell me why Ski Sunday in particular was so terrible.
Six years on… Ski Sunday subtitles are still utterly horrific. We gave up trying to watch it as a family and tuned in to Gladiators instead.
And I recently went to see a subtitled showing of a film at the cinema. They forgot to turn them on. So I had to climb over everyone in my row, go outside and ask them to sort it out. They stopped the movie and pointed me out as the reason for this. I was pretty mad about that, too.
Since the pandemic, it feels to me that there are fewer shows with subtitles at the theatre - I’ve taken FFB to see the Julia Donaldson adaptations, none of which had subtitled options and also don’t follow the storyline word for word so it’s not easy to guess what’s going on. I know it’s because it’s expensive and the pandemic was not easy for theatres, but it’s still hard when we go together and I can’t talk to FFB about what’s going on except for the costumes.
No one size fits all with deafness
This has become almost a mantra of mine. When I talk about what it’s like being deaf, it’s what it’s like for me. But I do think that reading about people’s experiences can help you understand more of what it’s like to live with deafness.
Aside from my day job, I’m a sensitivity reader - mainly for the brilliant writer Will Dean. His Tuva crime series, set in Sweden, is utterly gripping. And his sixth book - Ice Town - is out later this year. It’s the next instalment in the life of the deaf journalist who has a pretty eventful life.
When people ask me about how I advise Will, I always remind them that no one size fits all. So when I am reading the book through Tuva’s eyes, I let Will know how I would react in that situation, or what might have been going through my mind at that point. Or how my deafness would have given a different perspective. It’s not the law and he absolutely doesn’t have to take my feedback.
I still have lots to do
We’re still not there with lots of accessibility things. And while motherhood and my day job means I don’t have as much time to do the things I used to like:
Getting vibrating pagers for NHS Walk-in Centres (something I did in 2012)
Talking on Sky News about the importance of subtitles (My 2019 TV appearance)
Campaigning for more subtitled showings (especially on our honeymoon in 2017)
I am going to be doing what I can to raise awareness, make a difference and try and level the playing field when it comes to making things more accessible for deaf people. But through my lens… so one size might not fit all.
And I hope you’ll stick with me through it. Thanks for being here peeps.
DGx